Hello,
You've stumbled upon my old site. I don't post much here anymore. If you like what you see here and want to see more head on over to daveskull.com to see my new blog and all of it's amazo-awesomeness.
Thanks!
dAVE
Hello,
You've stumbled upon my old site. I don't post much here anymore. If you like what you see here and want to see more head on over to daveskull.com to see my new blog and all of it's amazo-awesomeness.
Thanks!
dAVE
Here we have Stephen King’s little brother Larry who must have been a huge source of inspiration and fear driven madness.
Thirdly, we get the lost final page of the Book of Revelations where we find out the Easter Bunny isn't real.
Imagine a world where no one worries about food because we are fed over a vast wireless nutrient network that covers the globe, except France.
Imagine a world where every fifteen minutes twelve people find five dollars on the ground.
Imagine a world where there is peace and prosperity, not because it’s profitable, but because we were told by an intergalactic group of aliens to change our ways or face total annihilation.
Imagine a world where legless dogs float everywhere thanks to our mastery of gravity. Imagine a world where glass isn’t an endangered species, it’s a way of life.
Imagine a world where we finally realized that the moon’s control over the tides was causing massive flooding and draught, so we blew it up with nukes and things haven’t been better since.
Imagine a world where we clone people like John Lennon and Adolf Hitler just to lock them in a room and see if they get along.
Imagine a world where commercials are broadcast on the inside of our eyelids and everybody really hates the guy who’s idea that was.
The wave of the new future
Imagine a world where sunglasses are made from the sun
Imagine a world imagination is no longer needed since we’ve thought of everything
Imagine a world where glue sniffing is a sport.
Imagine a world email is the new snail mail and telepathy is the new email.
Imagine a world where music is only recorded underwater by fish.
Imagine a world where dance parties are thrown up in the clouds on floors made of titanium.
Imagine a world where keychains are currency
Imagine a world where fire trucks are powered by the fires they put out.
Imagine a world where restaurants serve food that glows and it’s supposed to be that way.
Imagine a world where even thumb tacks use lasers.
The wave of the new future
The wave of the new future
The wave of the new future
Zombies fight penguins
Zombies bite penguins
Penguins become zombies
ZOMBIE PENGUINS!!!
Dairy farmers fight zombies
Zombies fight dairy farmers
Zombies bite dairy farmers
Dairy farmers become zombies
ZOMBIE DAIRY FARMERS!!!
Hipsters fight zombies
Zombies fight hipsters
Zombies bite hipsters
Hipsters become zombies
ZOMBIE HIPSTERS!!!
I think out loud with my face. You see, inside my head I am constantly talking to myself. Sometimes it is about whatever it is that I am currently doing. Sometimes it is about how it would be sweet if I had rockets in my shoes or if birds could come and pick me up and fly me to where ever I needed to go. Other times it is about how the guy in front of me in the line at Target totally smells like weed and everyone knows and is talking about it, but he is so stoned that he has no idea everyone knows that he is stoned out of his mind. Sometimes I think about bunnies. You get the picture. The one thing that is a constant amongst all of these thoughts is the fact that my inner monologue is playing itself out on my face and everyone can see and I have no idea until I see someone staring at me with that look on their face that says “what the fuck is wrong with that guy?” It happens a lot. I get lost in a train of thought and I have no idea that I am totally talking to myself without speaking a single word. There I am mouthing out the thoughts that are spewing forth from my brain. As a note, I think it is a rather odd analogy to say “lost in a train of thought.” A train can’t get lost. They are on tracks. They can’t really get “off course.” But, I digress. Hopefully you understand.
So, this whole “thinking out loud on my face” thing, as I like to call it, tends to happen when I am alone mostly or when I think I am alone. I get lost in the thought and I am off into the little world that it lives in. I could be thinking about being a dragon and how it would be awesome to breathe fire on a village of matchstick people. Or I could be thinking about racing a car in a race against time to save the women I love from certain doom. I just thought about what it would be like to be an aerobics instructor. I even put on a head band to make it more appropriate.
See:
This kind of stuff happens a lot. So, don’t worry if you see me with an odd look to my face, it is probably just me thinking about what it would be like to paint the sky with polka dots or meet the pope and it turns out he wears skinny jeans under the robe and keeps weed in his big tall hat. It is all perfectly normal, at least for me.
Some faces you may see from time to time:
The I may have solved the mystery face:
The what if Thomas Edison fought Captain Kirk face:
The what if my tie were a snake face:
The Ooh! This penny is from 1955 face:
The did anyone hear me fart, man cold fusion would be schweet face:
And last, but not least The I ate the magic pizza face:
You can imagine what it must be like for total strangers who walk in to my place of work and find me standing there staring off into the distance or at the wall with one of those looks on me. The shock and embarrassed horror is similar to that of anyone who has walked in on somebody masturbating. You know they do it. You just don’t want to see it.
"Former Theremin player for Steve Miller Band, the son of a coal miner and a french person impersonator, Artaxerxes grew up like any other kid. Constantly listening to music to get away form the unending screaming of his parents about all of the obvious reasons they should have never married and brought their useless children into this world. Since the age of three Artaxerxes has played music. Starting out imitating the sounds he was hearing and eventually moving on to writing his own music. Artaxerxes wrote his first song at the age of six. He began seriously studying music at the age of ten from a man who saw him singing and banging out rhythms in the grocery store one day while out with his mother. By the time he was through junior high Artaxerxes had been in several bands. He dropped out of high school to pursue his musical career. He moved out to LA like everybody else does and will do to start their music career. He played in clubs and cafes and anywhere else that would let him. Unfortunately he never played for more than a few minutes because Artaxerxes's music has and forever will be above the minds of the mere the mortal idiots that frequent this world. But, one night all of the effort and hard work paid off. After a set at a local cafe Artaxerxes was approached by a man who introduced himself as Maurice. He told Artaxerxes that he was starting a band and that he thought he would be perfect for it. The two of them started writing songs together and soon began touring. Immediately they were loved and adored by all. But, what they were missing was the perfect name. Maurice wanted to call the band The Gangsters' of Love or Maurice and the Space Cowboys, but Artaxerxes knew better. Eventually they struck a compromise with Steve Miller Band. Artaxerxes got it from the fact that his uncle always told him that would be a great name for a band. The name is plain and inoffensive plus it says band in it so there is no confusion as to what the group does. Over time they grew to critical acclaim and just when it seemed as if it couldn't get any better god came along and ripped everything away from Artaxerxes that he loved. Which is pretty much himself and his music. It was the strangest accident the doctors had ever heard of and how he survived it and continues to survive after it baffles even the greatest of medical minds. One day that not even Artaxerxes can fully recall he was walking down the street and a pigeon landed on a piano that was being moved up to the second floor of an apartment when suddenly the rope holding it up snapped and the piano came crashing down from the sky and landed on the sidewalk hurting absolutely no one. Then suddenly a mad man who thought he was Christopher Walken, and very well could have been, came out from behind a small truck and cut off Artaxerxes's head. What exactly, if anything, these two events have to do with each other is still being discussed by some of the greatest philosophical minds in the world today. Since they are the only who really care and have enough time on their hands to waste discussing it. He was rushed to the hospital where his body was immediately thrown into the incinerator due to a clerical error and the doctors just had to sew up the bottom of his neck and hope for the best. Artaxerxes awoke to find his only friend Maurice standing over him. The doctors rushed in and began to try to figure out what the hell just happened. After hearing the news Artaxerxes begged to be put out of his misery, but no one dared touch him for fear of bringing about the apocalypse. He was brought home by his friend Maurice where they had a long talk about Artaxerxes's future with the band and they both realized it would be very hard to play the Theremin without any arms, matter of fact without any body whatsoever, since you kind of need to stand behind it and waves your arms around a lot, occasionally screaming out quotes from a farmer's almanac. The latter isn't exactly necessary to playing the instrument and didn't actually end up on any of the bands records, but it adds to the performance in a live setting. So, that night they parted ways. Over time Artaxerxes and Maurice grew apart and stopped contacting each other all together. Eventually Artaxerxes turned to drugs to sooth his problems and he fell into a deep dark pit of despair. But now after a long arduous journey back from the worse place Artaxerxes has been in his life, Salt Lake City Utah, he is back. With the advent of digital technology Artaxerxes is able to make music again and he doesn't even have to try that hard anymore. He has a new found genius that is simply pouring from his brain. Of course it is still hard to operate a computer with no body, but you would be surprised what can be done with a nose and some perseverance. The point is that Artaxerxes is back and is ready to bring to the world what it so obviously needs and secretly desires. The face of music is about to change forever."
-Rolling Stone Magazine, 1983, page 84
finding humor in the darkest places...
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